Many travelers enjoy sunsets and sleep. However, those who prefer sun rises are equal in numbers. This creates a civil war at hostels where battle lines are often blurred. In one city you are the empire, but in the next village, you are the rebellion.
1. Eat food that creates a natural habitat for a Black Snake Moan. Loud flatulence in the middle of the night will not only entertain, but like a heavy application of cheap cologne, the aroma will linger long after you depart.
2. Plan your future ventures through whispers. Despite popular belief, your personal agenda is not as fascinating as it seems.
3. Jiggle your room keys for the length of a typical pop song, or hold the belief that they stopped opening doors as if they were time sensitive. To make a lasting impression, ring the entry buzzer like you are a game show contestant.
4. Make sure that your sleepwear is at the southernmost quarter of your pack. Ruffle any item wrapped in plastic and unzip every pocket. For good measure, make sure to engage and disengage the zippers multiple times.
5. Illuminate the room with your flashlight. The effect increases with higher ratios of flashlights to sleeping bunk mates. Studies have shown that three strategically placed beams can awake even the deepest sleeper in an eighteen bed dorm.
6. After any of the aforementioned tactics are executed, brush your teeth nude. This entails cradling your nether regions with your non-brushing hand while walking to the bathroom. Flashlight may or may not be needed.
7. Purchase the flimsiest plastic water bottle. As the need arises, clench the water bottle tightly to project liquid into your mouth. The crackling always provides a festive atmosphere that will be enjoyed and remembered by all. See photo.
8. Create a circle of trust between yourself and the hostel owner. As your stay progresses, referrals to the owner as your friend will empower you to treat other hostel patrons as if they were your guests.
9. Leave your Noley Bear behind to confuse and frustrate hostel staff and guests alike. He or she will pass the day strumming guitars, telling Mother Goose Stories or emailing their grannies.
10. Enter the free breakfast line on your way to bed. Most effective when stocking up on the complimentary cuisine for a midday snack.
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